Sabbathing

Spent a few hours in God's presence in silence seeking out guidance from Him...something I had never done before and I really enjoyed it. As I was praying, I felt God letting me know I had a decision to make. Either follow Jesus radically or forget it, just keep going through the motions with no purpose. 

So after a lot of thought and prayer, I prayed on this day, December 5, 2009 that I would change. I decided today that I am going to bring the Gospel to the people who need to hear it. I am going to bring the Gospel to the streets. I am going to bring the Gospel to those who don't know God. I play indoor soccer at deft touch, and there are so many people there who don't know God. I work a few different jobs with so many people who don't have a personal relationship with God. I am going to bring the Gospel to my coworkers. I have become friends with a lot of the people there at deft touch, and now it's time to offer Jesus to the people there. I am excited to see what happens. 

aI am praying that I will intentionally share the Gospel with my soccer friends

aI am praying that I will use the new house I'm moving into for God's glory

aI am praying that I will truly trust God with my finances, jobs, school

aI am praying that I can be a servant leader like Jesus Christ

aI am praying that I can be equipped to help others out in any way possible

aI am praying for my friends and my family

   Psalm 37:1-4 "Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong, for like the grass they will soon whither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

CRAZY

Soccer, School, Work= literally keeping me busy 47 hours a week, leaving me 8 hours of extra time in between work on the weekends to study. WOW. 

My schedule is so sporadic from week to week, that I have actually started to rely on God more and I have realized the importance of spending quiet time with God, because I haven't even had time to just mozy around..I've had to be intentional with every minute of time that I am given. TIME. you need it and it's one thing you can never ever get back. be intentional with it. God wants me to spend time with him, and it makes my day so so much better the more time that I spend reading/studying/praying-spending time with God. 

God is so good, all the time. I am so blessed that I am able to work sometimes 30 hours a week, taking 18 units in school, play soccer, be involved in a ministry, and still be alive. Thank God for every step and breath I breathe. 

"work produced by faith, labor prompted by love, endurance inspired by hope in Jesus Christ." 

1 Thes. 1:13 

~ it may take me a year to truly understand what this verse means.. and I know it will be well worth it to study this verse and apply it to my life. it's what I am going to focus on now. 

1 Thessalonians 1:13.  

CRAZY: in LOVE with God. 

Yeshua God of Love

"Yeshua" is one of my favorite words now. It is Jesus' name in Hebrew, which literally means "salvation" Immanuel God with us. "God with us" I can just ponder these few simple words and soak them in for years, and I know it will never get old. I usually have a topic before I start writing but at this moment I just felt like writing something. So, recently I started reading this great and wonderful book, "One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven" by Mark Cahill. I heard him speak at a Challenge Conference I attended at Purdue University in 2006. I just ordered another one of his books online, markcahill.org, where you can order things for FREE, donations are asked for, but money doesn't get in the way of sharing God with other people. I am starting to better understand the things I "get" to do and not "have to" do. There's a big difference. There ARE so many lost and hurting people in this world, and I now am realizing the urgency there is in sharing God with the people around me. 

When I go to heaven, I want to take as many people as I can with me! 

The one thing that you cannot do in heaven; is share God with unbelievers. Because, in heaven, there will be no unbelievers. So, I think it's pretty important that our time on earth here is spent believing in Jesus Christ as our Salvation. And if this is the most important thing in our life, it should be pretty important that we share that with everyone around us! I don't want to just go on counting my days one after the other. But I "get to" make each and every day count. 

There are less than 2 weeks until I get to start training for soccer with the rest of our team to prepare for our season that we get to compete in that we get to work as hard as we can in that we get to enjoy that we get to give thanks to Jesus for. So, until then, I am going to train EXTRA hard and do more than is required for our workouts, because I want to be ready, ready to encourage my teammates that we get to do this not that we have to, and to work hard with them. 

I thank my Father God for all the friends/family I have around me, the car I get to drive, the food I get to eat, the classes I get to take, the books I get to read, the soccer I get to play, the field I get to use, the running I am able to do, the diving I am able to do, and the learning I am able to do. And I thank God, for you. 

Our God of Love, He is my Salvation. 

Out on the Mission Field

So I started playing indoor soccer at this one facility in Los Alamitos. "Bringin the streets indoors" They have open pick up games almost every night. There are probably around 40 kids that come out and play each night. Most of these kids are late high school, college age, or a little older. It is so much fun to be playing with the boys there, not so much the girls. Anyways, I am continuing to get to know all the kids that play there. It's kind of like a little family you gain when you really get to know these people that come together just because they share the love for the game of soccer. On my sambas, my indoor shoes, I wrote "Yeshua" in black letters. It is Jesus' name in Hebrew which literally means "Salvation" Already one guy noticed and he asked what it meant so we started a little conversation about Jesus. There's just something about this place that makes me want to keep going back. And there's something about the people there that compels me to pray for them. From what I know, most if not all of these kids that play soccer here, do not know Jesus personally. And for some reason I feel so encouraged to share Jesus with these kids. I'm gonna keep going back to play indoor here, and I'm praying for opportunities to share God's love and that God gives me the tenacity and desire to share with them. I pray that God gives me the words to speak and all I need to make God known at this soccer facility. You hear the name "Jesus Christ" often used as a swear word come out of the mouth of a lot of the guys there, and I'm praying that soon I will hear his name in a conversation instead. Right here, right in front of me, not overseas, is a mission field for me to share the name of Jesus. Who am I, some college soccer player, to influence these big shots that know the game of soccer so well? The bible tells me to not let people look down on me. I'm praying that I can be an example of God's love. 

Summertime

so I'm living in a house in La Mirada with two other girls from Biola. I have my own room and it's huge, this is pretty nice. 

I'm taking Anatomy at Coastline, in Westminster. 

I'm taking World Civilizations online through Barstow College. 

I have workouts to complete for soccer training. Every training session I do with my friend Nikki, and workouts are so much better when you have someone next to you to push you. We have to do a certain number of sprints, abs, juggling, ball work, and distance running each workout. It takes us a couple hours to get through a workout. 

Nikki and I also started playing indoor soccer at Deft Touch in Los Alamitos. They have pick up games for two hours almost every night, and we're the only girls playing, and we kick butt. It's a good extra workout, and so much fun. 

I'm learning to cook for myself. 

I just washed my brand new car for the first time today. It is beautiful. 2009 blue corolla. 

So anyways, that's a little update on my life. 

I'm interested in doing an internship with a church in Chino, and I'm applying to work at a couple sporting good stores. I'm also coaching a little. 

God has been so good to me. He's given me not everything I wanted, but everything I've needed. 

I just finished reading 90 Minutes in Heaven, and I'm feeling convicted concerning my prayer life. Why don't I pray about little things? Why don't I pray with friends more often, for no reason at all, but to talk with God? Why not do that when I know how powerful prayer is?

I'm gonna get to it. Heaven is a real place. Hell is a real place. I am confident in knowing I have a place in Heaven with God one day, and I want to know that my close friends and family will be there with me. 

My prayer life is changing now since I've heard this guy's story. I'm praying for a discerning heart in all things. I'm praying that God will work through me for whatever he needs me to fulfill for Him here on earth. I'm ready, send me. 

What a friend I have in Jesus, praise God!

Jesus To The World.

"when it was hard to see you

they gave me another chance

like you

when it was hard to hear you

I could hear them speak your words

my proof is in the way, the way that they shine

I get the feeling that I'm not home yet

yeah it's your people, they're Jesus to the world"

So I'm back from Spring Break, starting the last month of my first year in college. CRAZY! I can't believe my first year playing soccer in college is almost over, where did the time go? For the past few months, I have been getting more and more into soccer. (I watch EVERY UEFA Champions League Game on ESPN now) And more and more into thanking and knowing God better. God gave me the ability to play soccer and all the glory is His. 

There's just something He put inside me, this drive, love, passion, something so indescribable, for soccer. There's just something about it. It's everything about it that I LOVE. the pain, sweat, agony, joy, laughter, passion, encouragement, blood, strain, blisters, getting stronger, getting better, becoming quicker, communicating more loudly, there's just something about the game that makes me FREE when I get to play. 

Now okay, so I've said how much I love soccer, but let me tell you, how much I really LOVE soccer. 

Now I see soccer as way of being Jesus to the world. Soccer opens doors for new relationships, friendships, job opportunities, a new family, bettering yourself, and bettering others around you. 

How can you be Jesus to the world today?

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

Incredible

I am just having an incredible time in my life right now. I really am enjoying every single one of my classes. At first I decided that a couple weren't my favorite classes to be taking, but now I think they are interesting since obviously I am nowhere close to knowing everything. I really love my Christian Thought and Old Testament class especially. OT is a lot of work and it makes me feel so good once I am done with all my work then in a couple days I get started on my next assignment. We get 2 weeks to go through a whole book in the Old Testament and I really have learned a lot. Anyways, recently I've been thinking about 1 Corinthians 12 where Paul is talking about one body and many parts. I've been thinking about that with my team and how we as a team need to play together as one, and if any one of us is suffering or not giving our all, then our whole team suffers and our team as a whole is not giving our all if just one person is not. We are one. One body of Christ. We are a soccer team that glorifies God in our play on the field and in everything we do off the field as well. 

I am so thankful that God gives us new mercy each and every day and that he forgives us each day with gifts and things we don't deserve but get anyways by his grace. 

I am enjoying life so much right now. I am so much better than worse, and I feel like I should be encouraging others. 

God comforts me so that I can comfort others. God loves me so that I can love others. God gives to me so that I can give to others. 

God is incredible, indescribable, he has been incredible to me. 

Jesus prefers branches not sticks

Branches bear fruit. Sticks are dead branches that are not thriving.

growth means fruitfulness and maturity

John 15:1-6 "I am the vine and you are the branches..."

do you see it as an opportunity or an obligation?

A branch cannot bear fruit all by itself

How we remain connected : we talk

I want to see as God sees. through His eyes

Father God, 

I thank you for this day. Thank you for your grace that is new each day. Please help me to see through your eyes. Help me to see things that I might not see on my own. Help me to see the bigger picture God. I love you and I thank you for your forgiveness. 

(5)God's love and grace for sinners

Jesus came to die to show the wealth of God's love and grace for sinners.

The measure of his love for us increases still more when we consider our unworthiness. 

while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. we deserved divine punishment, not divine sacrifice.

divine love: a passion to enthrall undeserving sinners, at great cost, with what will make us supremely happy forever, namely, his infinite beauty. 

the wealth of god's love.. means there's much in store for us as we inherit God's love. his grace is new each day. i am realizing that when things happen that we don't understand, we need to trust God and so often I don't. 

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter..." Proverbs 25:2

Prayer

Prayer List:

- Energy, protection, strength, and desire for me and my teammates to excel in weights at 7 am WMF's. 

- My teammates as afternoon soccer practice starts, protection, will, desire, commitment, dedication.

- Help balancing 18 units, soccer, work, homework, friends, eating, sleeping, family, money, making decisions, etc.

- I would take joy in trials. No matter what it takes. I would draw closer to God. 

- My Dad. he would get in contact with me. possibly start a relationship with him.

- My Grandma- work/stress, Mom- health. Uncle James- smoking addiction/relationship with God/get involved in church

Thank you God for this brand new day. your grace is new each day. your love is unconditional. I thank you that I get to attend school at Biola. That is an incredible blessing. I thank you that I get to play soccer. Thank you for being my father and for always being by my side. please help me to stop complaining as I have nothing to complain about. you have given me more than enough, and you are more than enough. 

Coming to and End

Classes start in just two more days. Interterm is coming to an end, all too fast. I have thoroughly enjoyed this interterm, this being my first also. haha. It has been filled with fun, quiet moments with Jesus, loud and crazy moments filled with laughter, crazy spontaneous adventures, bike rides, hikes, waterfalls, rivers, long car drives, parks, home, sacrifices, grocery shopping at fresh&Easy, shopping around for little particular things we need and want. Making money. Saving money. Spending money. Playing soccer. working out. making decisions on our own. running. lifting weights. situps. coaching our jv team. planning our schedules out. and simply waking up and deciding where we want to go on our bikes each day. interterm has truly been a joy, getting to spend time with nikki, beans, and later on becky. Being sore all the time feels good. I have gained back my love for reading. I have several books to read back in my room in my bookshelf. I am SO excited for classes to start. There's a few classes I don't really want to be taking, but if I have learned anything at all this past month, it's that I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. I have way more than I need. God has given me an abundant amount of things that I don't NEED but I have, some conveniences, others just for fun, on top of my necessities. I have had so much fun going on adventures with my friends. But now it's time for the real adventure to start. My first Spring semester. It's 2009 now. It's a new semester. It's a new year. It's a new me. It's a new player. About a month to go until soccer practice starts... which I am very excited about. I have nothing to complain about. I have Jesus to thank for everything I have.

I have to give only a thankful heart. Thank you Jesus for all you have given me and will ever give me. I know God will provide, He will always provide for what I need. I know God will keep me safe. I know He will protect me. I know He'll never leave me as a father. I want to be closer to that kind of a father. - some people's ends are other people's new beginning's. Thanks Jesus. Here comes the new beginning where I will make a lot more important decisions in my life. Everyday, each day, you can do anything you want to. What are you going to do?

Get up Quick.

"Show me what it's like, to be the last one standing. Teach me wrong from right. I'll show you what I can be."

As a goalkeeper, things are tough. I am the last one standing on the field between the ball going in our net. Training is a bunch of repetition and repetition over and over again so that I can eventually do it naturally. In training, I am taught to get up quick. I fall, I dive, and I'm taught to get up quick.

The quicker, the better. I can kind of relate that to life; in life, things don't always go your way. You may fall down, but you need to get back on your feet. Goalkeeping has taught me so much in this past 6 months of being here at Biola. Training has been the hardest and most physical training I have ever had to endure in my entire life. And I want more of that. I want to be pushed harder. I know that's what I'm going to get too. At times, I want to collapse and never get up again, but I keep pushing myself. For what? 1 Corinthians 9:27 says "But I discipline my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

I could die tomorrow. I could die in a car accident, or my heart could all of a sudden stop beating. That is crazy! Anything can happen. That's why I do, that's why I push my body. Because sometimes we don't know our own limits and we can go father than we think. These past couple days God has been showing me that I can push myself harder than I actually "think" I can go. There's no limits to God's love. There's no limits to this joy he has given me which is soccer. There's no limits to God's love. So I'm not going to limit my love.

(4)Achieve His own Resurrection from the dead

"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will."

Hebrews 13:20-21

What the death of Christ accomplished was so full and so perfect that the resurrection was the REWARD of Christ's achievement in death. The price of forgiveness was totally paid. The resurrection proves that the death of Jesus is an all-sufficient price. It is by the blood of the eternal covenant. After Jesus' death all that was left to accomplish was the public declaration of God's endorsement. This God gave by raising Jesus from the dead. 

Last night I went out to the soccer field at around 10 pm. Nikki and Beans were still in the room, but I wasn't tired, and still wanted to work out a little. I jogged around the field then started working on jumping and touching the top of the goal to improve my vertical jump. I immediately got frustrated because I haven't done this in a while, and I could tell. I was just getting to where I could touch it fine every time. But tonight didn't go so well. I'll start working more on jumps everyday again now. It really pissed me off, and I don't know why, but I can always touch it with my right hand and not so much my left. Also from jumping off the ground, my left leg is stronger that my right leg for sure. Anyways, after that I kicked a few goal kicks and sprinted to the ball I kicked, then juggled for a bit and kicked the ball up high for myself to catch like a corner kick. Just playing around like a kid, having fun, is what I like. I love to just play soccer and have fun and no worries except for what I will be able to accomplish. While I was trying to touch to goal post with both hands, I made myself do it until I got 10. I probably tried about 30 times. But I wasn't going to give up. As I stood there I dropped down to squat and just prayed, and I prayed before each time I tried again, and eventually I got 10. But as I was praying each time, I was realizing that I really am nothing without Jesus. I am nothing without Jesus. Without God, my life has no meaning and I am just... nothing. I prayed and told God that without him, there would be no point to soccer. And I can't play soccer without God. God just holds everything together for me. Jesus quenches my thirst. He is the only One that can satisfy me with what I need. Jesus is like my water, I will die without him. I need God and without him, I'm nothing.

(3)To Be Perfected

Jesus came to die to learn obedience and to be perfected. 

Jesus learned obedience through what he suffered. He learned in practice and in pain what it meant to obey. Jesus had to have a perfect righteousness in order to save us. Jesus' suffering not only absorbed the wrath of God, it fulfilled his true humanity and made him able to call us brothers and sisters. 

Hebrews 2:17 "For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people."

Jesus went through so much, just for me, pouring God's wrath out on himself instead of me, pleasing his father, and being perfected to fit into the only perfect sacrifice to pay the price of our sins. Jesus has given me this life, and I will give him mine. 

Today I went running with my older cousin Jason. He's two years older than me, he'll be turning 21 this march just before I turn 19. I used to look up to him, but I've seen him fall into the ways of this world. Deep down in my heart, I still look up to him anyways. He's pretty much like my brother. We used to fight all the time when we were little. We've always been competitive with each other. We grew up around each other. Now that we're much older, we get along, still hang out with each other every once in a while, but he's going one way, and I'm going another. Nonetheless, we're family. We got each other's backs. We look out for each other. I thank God for the relationship I have with my cousin Jason. 

Anyways, we probably ran a couple miles, up a couple big hills around their neighborhood in yorba linda. He led the whole time, while I was right behind him. But dangit, he always beats me at everything! For a few minutes he was like 15 yards in front of me. Then we turned the last corner and I sprinted the rest of the way back to our house while he didn't. He's competitive too. He wouldn't just let me win. But I guess he didn't have any sprint left in him. We ran for just over 20 minutes. It was good to just run with him, even though we weren't talking, just spending time together is fun. Now thinking back on it, why do we run? (by the way it was almost 90 degrees, in January!) 

Why did we keep pushing our bodies to go up that huge hill when it wears us out? Why did I keep running when I got a piercing side-ache? Why did I keep pressing on when my calves cramped up in horrible pain? Why did I run even though I was already sore? Why did my cousin keep running even when he started wheezing? He has asthma. Why? Well, we want to perfect our bodies. Push them as hard as we can. We train to get in shape. We get in shape so we can perform well while playing. We play to give God glory. We give God to glory because he perfected his own son and put him through pain to learn obedience so that we one day would also. We run when we don't want to run. Discipline is key to an athlete. Perseverance. Obedience. Jesus was perfected so that he could die. We die to ourselves to be perfected to be worthy of having a relationship with Jesus. Weights/conditioning starts next week, I'll be working hard until then. I want to be better at what I do. No matter what it takes. No matter what it takes I want to be brought closer to Jesus.

Three Problem People

Proverbs 1:22 says "How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?"

Mockers, fools, the simple: Proverbs keeps using these words to define the "bad characters" we should stay away from. What kinds of people are they? The "simple" don't live with much thought and are too lazy to change. The "fools" are smarter but have made a conscious decision to live by their own wits, independent of God and advice. "Mockers" are rebels against God who make their prideful position known to everyone. They mock God, but God will mock them in the end. "when calamity overtakes you" verse 26. 

Reading through Proverbs 1 challenges me to seek God first. To seek wisdom. To want to always run to God first when I need wisdom and understanding no matter what the issue. 

God tells us we should embrace wisdom, he warns us about enticement, he warns us against rejecting wisdom.

Just from chapter 1 of Proverbs I can see how much God values wisdom and wishes for us to value wisdom and seek him first in all we do also. When I am challenged with something that is beyond my own knowledge, I need to remind myself to rely on God, because God is powerful, and God is at work with my heart. Thank God for His word. 

Whatever It Takes.

Let me just say that today while I was cleaning I stopped myself literally from what I was doing and sat on the floor because I realized that God worked greatly in my life today and answered a prayer I asked for. I literally stopped and felt such a deep conviction feeling I have never felt before. It was like this wave of love just came crashing into my heart.

Today our soccer team had a game. (The team we are coaching) Before the game I had about 5 minutes to myself. I was sitting on a soccer ball all alone facing an empty goal while the entire team was going through their routine warm up, which is before I warm up my goalkeeper. I asked God to bring me closer to him today, whatever it took, no matter what it took, I asked God to bring me closer to him today. I spent the entire time just saying that prayer over and over again; asking God to bring me closer to him today, whatever it takes. My goalkeeper walked up to me slowly and I looked at her, and she said, "Oh, I thought you were praying or something." I didn't say anything back to her. We started our warmup. The funny thing is yes, I was praying, but I was just sitting on a soccer ball in front of the goal, I didn't have my head down or my eyes closed or my hands even held together, I was just sitting admiring the beautiful green grass and admiring what was around me, thanking God, and asking him to bring me closer to him. That's funny she said that. They won their game 7-0.

I was going to go to our friend's condo in downtown San Diego again for the 3rd week, but decided not to because my grandma asked me to clean her house for her, and I also need to sit down and talk with her about finances with school and everything else. So on our way down to San Diego, with John, Beans, Nikki, Ryan, I had John drop me off at my house while they continued on their way to downtown San Diego. Now before I started cleaning the house, I checked my email and went on facebook because someone commented one of my photos or something. But when I went on facebook I had a friend request. From one of my aunts. My Dad's sister. Now for those of you who know my testimony you know that because of my dad not being in my life, God drew me to him and became my father, and that's how I became a Christian, from the horrible pain of being abandoned and left alone and desloated and heart broked from my dad leaving me 7 years ago, I turned my life over to God. I haven't heard from my dad since I gave my life to God and decided to be God's daughter instead of my dad's. Now I was talking with my aunt, and she told me a little about my dad, and how he has changed so much and seems more loving and wants to get in contact with more family. My dad is a bit of a tender spot in my life. It feels weird to say the word "dad" out loud. he abandoned me and left me heartbroken. She told me he's living in Texas now, divorced from his other wife I never met. (He had 3 kids with her also) But that he's with a nice woman now and that he is a changed man. That still doesn't mean anything to me since I haven't seen or heard from him in so many years. He's never been like a dad to me but that's what I want most, to get to know my dad.

After talking with her, I sat and thought alot about my reasons for becoming a Christian. My dad is a huge part of that. And he doesn't even know it. I thought about my dad and about my God for a while. I have been thinking about my dad for a while now. I even put his name on my prayer list which is above my bed in my dorm room. I've been wanting to get in contact with him and just talk with him. Every time I think about my dad, of course, I am thinking about God at the same time and thanking God for being my Father.

Now back to me sitting on the floor stopped dead in my tracks because I realized that God answered my prayer I asked for earlier that day sitting on the soccer ball at the field right before our game. I asked God to bring me closer to him today no matter what it takes. That all happened today. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. Because I decided to clean the house for my grandma and not go to downtown San Diego with my friends, I was on facebook the same time as my aunt. And because the subject of my dad was brought up, I had lots of time to spent with Jesus about this. My relationship with God and my relationship with my dad. Any mention of my dad pretty much almost brings me to tears every time, no matter where I am. It hurts to talk about him, but I think it's good to. My dad hurt me. But I forgive him. I love him. I want to give him a second chance. I really hope he asks for it someday soon. I want to give him a second chance to be in my life.

God answered my prayer. Although it took sacrificing a fun trip to San Diego and the zoo and a 3 day weekend of fun with my best friends, and hard labor work scrubbing floors and cleaning the house, and the uncomfortable conversation about my dad, I am in awe that God answered my prayer! He brought me closer to him today! God is such a good father to me. From now on, I will try and make that part of a prayer I pray each day, that God brings me closer to him this very day, no matter what it takes. If it takes losing all my money in my bank account, dropping my very expensive computer in a lake, being rejected by my dad again, making a sacrifice, I want to do it, I am willing to take risks to grow in my relationship with God. Whatever it takes. I know God will never leave me, so I'm going to do whatever it takes to never leave him. Thank you God for all the pain I've gone through with my dad and my mom and my family not really being there for me. It's really taught me to rely on God. I thank God for the way things are. Whatever it takes. I'm all in.

Crazy Love

"People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people are more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress." 

"How you live your days is how you live your life." That's how I want to live. Trusting in God 100% that I not need to worry about anything. God has given me everything I have, so I owe it all to him anyways. I am going to strive to love people like crazy! Jesus was crazy! He loved his enemies! That's what the Bible calls us to do, love our enemies! Love the murderers, the people who hate you, love them the most, not the people that just love you, because those people can repay you with love. Love those who cannot love you back. That is no easy task and it will probably be something I am challenged with daily. Can I love the people that hate me? Love people that treat me horribly? Love people that are incapable of loving me back? LOVE THEM? Yep, that's what I am set on to do. I made this green, white, and blue bracelet from string at one of the soccer games I was coaching. (our team had a couple hours of extra time at the field) This bracelet is on my right wrist forever and ever. It doesn't come off; it's tied on for good. I'm never taking it off. I am going to make this bracelet my daily reminder to love people. To love my enemies most importantly.  

Prosaic or is it more?

God's word isn't just ordinary in my life anymore.Trusting in God 100% is not easy. Jesus did not tell us following Him was going to be any easy journey. The past couple weeks I have realized that this day is not just another ordinary day.  Nothing is ordinary about this day. We are on the surface of a big giant blue and green ball that is spinning SO fast with balls of fire around us. Spinning! Thousands and thousands of times so fast. There is nothing ordinary about that. That is incredible! Never again will I say I had another ordinary day and nothing's new. There is SO much that God has created to keep us busy for more than a lifetime! What are we doing with the time He's given us?

This day, week, month, year, is nowhere close to ordinary. And on to top of being much more than prosaic, there is a purpose to it all. 

Today I am deciding that I am going to love Jesus differently. I am going to love Jesus better, more radically, crazy, 100% surrendering, it's not with an ordinary love that he loves us, so I am not going to give him just ordinary love back. He gives us more than what we deserve. So I will try and give him more than what the world tells me I can give him. Jesus is my best friend, my Father, the only one who I can trust in to provide for what I need. Here's the deal. I am at Biola. But for the entire 1st semester I forgot how lucky I was to be at Biola. I forgot what a blessing it was that I even made it there. I forgot. I forgot that it was all God and not myself that got me there. I forgot that it was a miracle I was able to play soccer and attend school at Biola. The world, government, money, and even people around me; the papers told me I should look to other places because Biola was too expensive and I couldn't afford it. OK. But I can't afford it. There's no way I should even be here. I forgot how much grace I have been given and how blessed I am to be here. I can't believe I pretty much forgot how much God loves me. God is the only one who has enough of me to break my heart. And God didn't break my heart. THAT is what breaks my heart knowing that I probably broke His heart because I forgot about him for a while, and while he had a chance to break my heart, taking away the one and only thing I wanted, to be at Biola and play soccer, He didn't take it away. He gave it to me with open arms. And then I forgot what God did for me? It makes me feel sick that I tried to think I could do this on my own. 2nd semester is about to start and I have no money. Then I remembered about my first love, and all that God blessed me with and provided for me to even make it to Biola in the first place. I AM SO LUCKY TO BE AT BIOLA. SO BLESSED. I don't have the money to be here. I don't have a car. I don't have parents to buy me things. I don't have any brothers or sisters. Even if I did have those things, they could be taken away. One thing I do have that I know can never be taken away from me is God's love. I have God's love. And that is more than enough! Here is where I am proclaiming my trust in God. I am trusting in God to provide for me. I don't have $33,000 to provide for myself to be at school at Biola. My grandma is my only source of income and she doesn't have that kind of money either, and my 84 year old grandmother is wanting to retire within the next year or so. I can work, but I can't make that much. I am trusting in God. The world might think I'm crazy. The counselors at my high school made it clear to me I should have back up colleges in case Biola didn't work out. But I had faith. I didn't waste my time looking other places. I wanted Biola so bad I waited for God to provide, and He did. It was crazy and on the edge of some very important decisions that could have gone either way, and trusted in God to lead me where He wants me. I need to remember that my life is His plan, not my own. So wherever he leads me is because He wants me there. And if he wants me there He will get me there. I am trusting in Him. I worked hard 1st semester, A's and B's and did okay with soccer. Majoring in P.E. is not going to be easy. Working late at night, doing hours of homework, coaching, working with kids from ages 4-high school, managing money, and countless other things is not going to be easy. I know that. I know it's not going to be "easy" to trust in God. There will be times I will be worried. It might be crazy what I'm doing, trusting in God with so much. I don't think it's crazy. I think it's what God wants. This is a big thing to be trusting God with, basically my entire life and future, trusting on Him alone to provide and what little I can do, but I know it's what God wants. This is a big thing, but I need to remind myself that God is bigger than any problem I will face. I want to please my heavenly father. I am trusting God. I'm not just trusting him with any ordinary trust, but my 100% full trust. I'm all in with God.

(2)To Please His Father

Sometimes things aren't always clear

To please His heavenly Father.

The question is not who killed Jesus, but why Jesus had to die?

That's simple. God killed Jesus. God sent His son to die. It was God who killed Jesus. 

Isaiah 53:10 "It was the will of the Lord to crush him; he has put him to grief." 

For our sake God did the impossible: He poured out his wrath on his own son- the one whose submission made him infinitely unworthy to receive it. Yet Jesus' willingness to receive it was precious in God's sight. 

What Jesus did when he suffered and died was the Father's idea.  2 Timothy 1:9 "purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began.." That is crazy and I have never looked at it from this perspective before. But the more I trust in God the more I realize that all that he does is really for the good of his people that he loves. 

Jesus died to please his heavenly Father. What am I doing to please my heavenly Father? I cannot absorb God's wrath nor do I ever need to thanks to Jesus, but I can please God with my life today. 

(1)To Absorb God's Wrath

Jesus died for us TO ABSORB GOD'S WRATH. 

Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" 

We are all guilty and all deserve God's wrath because we have not kept God's commandments 100% and do not deserve the same as God. Jesus died for us on earth to take all of God's wrath on Himself, that was to be put on us. Jesus took that away from us. He took all the pain for us so that we would be free. What kind of a friend would die for you? A radical and loving one that is for sure. Jesus lived the most passionate life ever lived on this earth and was the most prime example of the greatest love to ever be experienced.  

In God's eyes, we are a bunch of screw ups who did not follow what He commanded. He has a right to be extremely angry with us. We deserve God's wrath. "the wages of sin is death" That is what we deserve. But Jesus took in all of the wrath for us. Jesus died for us, to absorb God's wrath.  I am so blessed to have a friend that would die for me. Jesus did the ultimate for me, what am I going to do for Him?

Jesus didn't cancel God's wrath, He absorbed it, it was spent, not withdrawn. Jesus- the wrath bearer.

The Weak and the Strong

Love wins.

This morning I went to the health center, and it turns out I had some inflamatory skin virus again, not contagious, just annoying. The way it works is you have a initial lesion, which looked like a bug bite, then it spontaneously spreads into what looks like 50 little bug bites. Anyways, it's almost all gone now, just really dry. I have never had any problems with my skin before I moved here for college. There's probably some bug eating me at night, haha, I hope not. Anyways, this made me think about sin. How one tiny little sin appears and you think that's all, but that is definitely not all. Like I thought I just had a bug bite, then came along this huge spread rash that was disgusting and itchy. It's like sin, one little thing is not just one little thing, sin can even be disguised. Sin is pretty much like poison ivy, you don't want to touch the sin, because one little touch of the sin can send you to the doctors. Poison ivy spreads, and it hurts. Kinda like sin. So don't even start with it. Also, this bible verse comes to mind, because this irritation was an unknown cause, and I have no idea why it happened to me. 

2 Corinthians 4:16-17 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 

Even though sometimes I have no idea what's going on with my body, and weird things happen sometimes, I can have confidence in Christ. He is renewing me each day. I could die today, next week I could be in a fatal car accident. I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I do know that Christ is who I am living for.  All these "problems" in life, don't really matter when you don't have much life left. And I don't know how much life I have left. So you have to live taking risks, like today could be your last day here on earth. I just have to live that way, because I've realized that sometimes I have no control over my body. But I do have control over how much time I spend in God's word and in my relationship with Jesus. Thank you for this day Lord, and please help everyone I know to love each other, build each other up, and encourage each other.  

In Romans 14-15 Paul talks about the weak and the strong and keeping things between yourself and God and not judging other people. We don't want to cause our own brothers to fall or stumble, we need to be there in case they trip on their own, we can catch them, and they can catch us if we fall, but we do not need to cause each other to fall. That is the worst. Let us keep our eyes fixed on what is above, not on earthly things. Die to yourself today, talk with Jesus. 

Praise the Lord.

Psalm 117

"Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you people. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord."

That's all I have to say about today. Praise the Lord. For everything. Friends. Family. Blankets. Warm clothes. A bed. Food. Light. A soccer field. Shoes to run in. Pants to wear. Places to go. Cars to use. Water to drink. A shower to use. Being free. In Christ. Praise the Lord. 

Happy Birthday Nikki

Nikki turned 21 on January 7, 2009!!! 

I just love her. She is funny, has her head on straight, and loves to play soccer.. what more could I ask for in a friend! :) hahahhaa.... ohhh So many funny things to remember!

"You can do anything you want!" is what I say to the question of what is she going to do now. grocery shopping. coaching soccer. taking pictures. Wednesday we are going bike riding. eating family dinner together. reading our bibles daily. washing dishes. nakey. music. warm clothes. Laughing! Working out. Juggling. Playing soccer. Loving eachother. We're family, that's what we do. 

Don't Be Ashamed

Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. (Hebrews 2:11)

Tonight is our first night being at Biola. (we meaning nikki beans and I) and Becky is back too! kinda. We got back from San Diego this morningish at around 9:45 am. Nikki, Beans, and I are coaching the JV soccer team at Whittier Christian. We put practice together every day from 3-5 pm. Today after practice we went grocery shopping, because none of us want to spend a ton of money on a meal plan.  I love grocery shopping together! So much fun! Fresh & Easy and Albertsons are good :) Currently, I am readying Crazylove by Francis Chan. Next on my list of books to read that I have is The Lovely Bones. Then Screwtape Letters.  Book borrowing and sharing :) Crazylove is good. Tonight I was reading in my Bible Hebrews 2. "The Great Descent" Why Jesus came to earth. Jesus himself was tempted therefore He is able to help those who are being tempted.  Jesus is made like his brothers in Christ so that he can help them. It matter that Jesus shares our humanity.  Jesus has suffered so that when I am suffering He can help me.  He loves me that much, how awesome is that. I wanna be one of Jesus' best friends; helping others that need help.  Everything is put under God's feet, leaving nothing that is not subject to Him.  Lately I have realized how lucky I am to have such good friends. I am really so blessed to have good friends that can struggle along with me and strive to grow in their faith and relationship with Jesus.  Having a relationship with Jesus in common is the starting point of family. I love these people at Biola that are becoming family to me. Don't be ashamed to call Jesus your brother.

A Time For Everything

The more things change, the more they stay the same. 

- French Proverb.

Recently, I've been reading in Ecclesiastes. In this book it says there's a time for everything.

A time to kill and a time to heal. To keep and to throw away. To love and to hate. To search and to give up. To tear down and to build. To weep and to laugh. I guess it's about finding balance in life between feelings of despair and something higher in the midst of troubles.  From reading about this in the Bible I know that everything happens for a reason, and nothing new will happen that hasn't already happened under God's control, because whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before. (Eccl. 3:15) Nothing on earth gives ultimate satisfaction. Good things are gifts from God, with temporary value. Sometimes, some possessions are better than none, wisdom better than ignorance, life better than death. I want to have more wisdom. Thank God for His word.

The Shack

The Shack.

You should read this extraordinary book. 

It definitely changed my life.    

I have definitely cared more deeply about continuing my relationship with God as well as more intimately.  

How awesome it would be to get to spend a weekend physically talking with God in real person. God does choose to reveal himself to us in many ways, but I am sure that most of the time we are not opening up our eyes or listening because we are often too wrapped up in ourselves.  This book challenged me to know God better and purposely give more of myself to God so He can know me better, because relationships do go two ways, and God is all about relationships. Anything can happen to me at any moment, and I should be so in love with God that I would be satisfied in Him to leave this earth at any time glorifying Him. He is more than enough. This book reminded me how important quiet time with God is so I can communicate with Him and reflect on our relationship. For me being outside and looking at His beautiful creation reminds me of my intimate relationship with my Creator and Father. I trust God. He created me. He knows what He's doing.

Old Beginning

haha. I say I'm going to start over with so many things. haha. it's all just a process. So, I'm still striving to read my Bible daily. That is what this blog is for; for me to write down my thoughts about what I am reading in the Bible, which I hope is very often... I started but did not keep up with this 3 year track plan to read the Bible. I am going to continue it... I will go at my own pace, but my goal is to have read the entire Bible by the end of my junior year at Biola. I am keeping good track of this plan with my new Bible :) So far I have read 24 chapters in Genesis and a few in Psalms... hopefully by the end of my junior year I will be able to say that I have completed my goal and have read every word in the Bible. 2 and a half more years to go now. I am so excited for what God brings me in the future. His word will be the beginning of everything I do.